Missing Out

If I could sit with them awhile I would share every "first" that is being missed...every beautiful moment of wide eyes and wonderment:

• Of learning how to do a back float in the pool for the first time...despite him telling me that he surely can "swim" when in reality, he is more proficient in "sinking" than anything... but we will get there!  *You missed out on, "I can float!  I'm going to float FOREVER!! You missed out.*
• Of the first Zoo visit.  "Look at that monkey just hanging in the tree!"  "Can I ride the carousel?" "That flamingo is sleeping ON ONE LEG!" "Come play on the splashpad!!"...on the monkey hitting the glass, on the baboon with the huge red butt, on the rhino, on sleeping tigers...  *You missed out on, "I LOVE the zoo! You missed out.* 
• Of the first "fancy" dinner - with cloth napkins, fresh bread, and "why do I have so many forks?!"  So many decisions about what to eat and learning how to order properly, "May I please have the pepperoni pizza?  Thank you!"  The discovery of what the "little napkin" is used for (place it under your drink).  The hot-fudge sundae for dessert.  *You missed out on the toast, "To the BEST day of the BEST summer of our lives!!" and the clinking of soda glasses...You missed out.*
• Of the trip to the trampoline place and bouncing, bouncing, bouncing all day long!  Of dodgeball against the "big kids" and "this is tiring!"  The foam pit...good thing Dyllon was a patient young lad who let us linger a bit longer than we were allowed... *You missed out on the perseverance to land that front flip...and the incredible smile when it finally happened.  You missed out.*
• Of the first time at the rock climbing gym and the hidden fear when the harness was on and the ascent was imminent.  The slow but steady climb and the confidence as the scary became enjoyable.  Of that route that was near impossible...and the, "I can't do it..." and the "Yes, you can, we believe in you!" And the self-confidence that propelled him higher and higher and then the excitement and joy and the smile that spread across his face as his tiny hand hit the top of the wall.  *You missed out as the impossible was made possible because of his spirit.  He's a fighter and so resilient despite all he has been through.  He might think he's proving things to the world...but deep down, I know he's proving it to himself.  You MISSED OUT ON THAT!*

In two days you've missed out on SO much.  For a second I was angry at you, but a friend reminded me that, most likely, you don't find the same enjoyment in their victories and firsts as I do...or we wouldn't be in this time and space in the first place.  And because I'm not that type of person, I forgive you...for them.  For missing these incredible things in their lives.  And I will continue to bask in the joy that, for whatever reason, I was granted permission to take hold of... that I might experience these firsts and give the congratulations and the hugs and cheer them on in your absence.  I want you to know that you're missing out but I'll gladly fill the gap.  It is my joy.  It is my absolute honor.